我愿意默默地守候、等待。
我相信我能做得到。



看不见你的笑，我怎么睡得着
你的声音这么近我却抱不到

Warcraft used to be the icon i click first when i sit down at the computer, but now all i have on is Internet Explorer. Doing this same routine every night might be taxing, even boring, but i think it's worth it. Possibly just me and me alone. They say it makes people go crazy. I didn't understand. Well now i do. And it's tormenting, yet blissful. I really do wish the latter would take over forever, but for that to happen i know i must do it. But to do it will involve a risk of losing it, which would mean torment taking over. Decision or choice?

Giving without reciprocation sounds great, but feels like shit. Not that it's anyone's obligation. I would take all these, but without any light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to, this sucks. Maybe i'm dimming that light myself, but i just can't console myself when i don't see concrete results. "Believe and you will achieve". Sounds nice, but wait till u try believing in something that isn't there.But thinking of it again, what have i actually given? Do these minute contributions even count? Maybe they do, but are they enough? I want to do more, but what if it only leads me further down the hole?

So many what ifs. I say cause i'm afraid to lose it, cause i cherish it, telling myself it's not cause i'm a coward. But thinking of the bigger picture, isn't being afraid to lose what i cherish another cowardly thought? Finding the courage to do all these takes time, or rather requires that moment, that spurt. But this i cant afford to procrastinate, or the result would be worst than just losing it.

Damn it.

不敢豁出去，是因为不想冒险、害怕失去。
但不去尝试，又怎么知道结果呢？
难道就要永远默默地承受吗？
太多因素、后果。。。
明明就不该去想的嘛。
但。。。


懦夫。