lost.

I feel lost. No motivation, not like I used to have. Call it irresponsibility, but I just can't seem to get motivated by duty, unless it adheres to my personal priorities or direction. What happens when something deemed as having the highest priority slips off the chart despite futile efforts of clinging on, not letting go? Your direction, motivation, energy, most of what constitutes meaning to you, goes along with it. Not a particularly enjoyable experience. 

I don't know what else I can do. Anymore. 

Eyes in the shadows. Remnants of a body which clung on to the light.

Leave it at that for now.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bloated egos used to irk me. Now I see it as just another form of self-delusion. However, there are also people who underrate their own abilities and potential and end up missing out on many of the things life has to offer. Some underestimate the level of their true potential, and others habitually choose to overlook the fact that the limit to what they can do is actually quite distant.

Actually, we all have a bit of both in us, just that some have more than others. We naturally tend to feel confident (many times overconfident) in our perceived areas of competency, but we should also acknowledge the fact that there exists many others who are even more competent in these areas, and appreciate the value of humility.

On the other hand, there are also times when we may feel that we lack the ability to do certain things, when the only obstacle to the liberation of our unused potential is our mind. By overcoming this obstacle, we may have the chance of discovering new lands in previously uncharted territory and claiming it as our own.

In essence, there's nothing wrong about not being the best, but not being the best you can leaves only regrets.

I know it's possible, guess I'll just have to convince myself that other causes are worthy too.

没人知道自己的心，不好过。多想找个人来倾诉，但同时也知道，有些事是必须独自承受的。不好过，也得过。就算别人把错觉当真，就算多么的煎熬，也没理由解释。反正解释了，错觉也不能变成事实。干脆忍着。

一直那么不理性地渴望自己的付出会被注意到，却总是在被现实唤醒的那一刻选择沉默。

一直以来都活在自己的梦幻世界里，说服和欺骗自己，告诉自己一切所想的都是真的。

一直以来依靠的那股动力现已不存在, 也渐渐失去以往让自己付出一切的那种决心.

懦弱， 从来都不是自己的风格．但不知怎么的，还是会身心不由己，去做一些或想一些莫名奇妙的事．辛苦耕耘却没收获，才领悟到牛顿第三定律只处于物理的世界里．

爱人难。不去爱自己所爱的人，不但更难，还多了一种难以形容的痛。

在嬉皮笑脸的面具下，双眼依旧凝望着．能看见快乐和幸福，也算是一种欣慰．

还是一样，由衷地送上沉默祝福．

tired and flopping around

It has been a long time since the heat of the green and hopeful was still intensely ablaze. He did not know what the pain was like then, he was just too engrossed in his pipe dream. Much was grossly misinterpreted. Green, no doubt. Then came the deafening silences, and the merciless accelerations. The light of the truth beyond the pipes finally began sifting through the cracks he was once blind to. Yet, with a thoroughly proofread devotion, he clung on. Occasional misinterpretations plastered up, or more like hid the cracks again, waiting for the next impact. It came just as he was sprinting at full speed through the pipe, shattering the mediocre attempt at self-persuasion. 

He knew that his interests did not matter as much to him, so he chose selflessness. He tried to only appear when his services were requested, and hoped, though somewhat not very confidently, that he meant more than convenience. He tried not to think, for when he did the rift would open and threaten to tear him apart, but it was inevitable. 

 

也不懂怎么搞得。。
每当我已差不多要绝望的时候，简单的一次接触就把我抛回原点。
又开始痛了。
每当我的视线开始模糊的时候，那微不足道的舍不得也让我心甘情愿地跑回去。
始终就是放不下。
以流汗代饮酒精、肉体的疲惫代心灵的憔悴；等待着每一天的黎明，希望有一天它的曙光能够穿透遮挡住美丽憧憬的浓雾。
咳。。。
叹的每一口气仿佛在增加浓雾的厚度、吹走那在草原上唯一竖立着的蒲公英、冰冻了我那原本烧着熊熊烈火的心。
算了吧。
还是放不下。
再继续挣扎吧。

Virgo the Perfectionist

maybe i guess thats why. why it's impossible for me to let go. looking forward with hope, waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel? will it be there? will you be there?

procrastination is not always a bad thing. kinda wish i delayed the pain now.

freak it.

我愿意默默地守候、等待。
我相信我能做得到。



看不见你的笑，我怎么睡得着
你的声音这么近我却抱不到